I came across this humorous post on Facebook (or Twitter, I can’t recall), and the universality of having nothing to say when you’re expected to respond to some longwinded boor who has cornered you at a party or some other social gathering is something most people find relatable (except for the longwinded boors who love to hold people hostage with their endless ramblings). This list of useful but empty responses got me to thinking about other vacuous statements than can be said when one finds themselves trapped in one of these sticky situations.
“And with that, I have now officially heard it all.”
“The exact same thing happened to me but in a completely different way.”
“If only there was a reset button for such situations.”
“Hard to believe, and yet it makes perfect sense.”
“Obviously a victim of circumstance.” (optional: pronounce it soicumstance like Curly from The Three Stooges)
“Your tax dollars at work. Am I right?”
“Oh my god, that is so random!”
“Could be worse…a lot worse.”
“And that’s why it’s always a good idea to spend extra money for the extended warranty.”
“I have an uncle locked up in Bellevue who suffered through a similar ordeal.”
“It’s going to take a team of lawyers to get through that mess.”
“Half a loaf is better than no loaf…but still not as good as the whole loaf.”
“I bet if you pitched that same story to a big time Hollywood producer as a possible movie idea he’d laugh you right out of his office.”
“As the good book says, shit happens.”
That’s all for now, but I’ll add more vapid and stilted responses as I think of them, or as I hear them spoken by people desperately trying to get out of a one sided conversation.
©2021 Robert Kirkendall
Robert Kirkendall 
I’ve actually used the “it could be worse” line
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It’s very useful for a lot of situations.
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And the multi-purpose “now that’s very interesting” 😛
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I’ve used that one many times. 😀
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