(This work of flash fiction was inspired by a jury summons I received last month. I embellished to make it more interesting.)
Ned sullenly walked to the jury assembly room, angrily pulled out his summons and showed it to the clerk who checked him in, and searched for an empty chair in the room that wasn’t near anybody. Not finding one, he sat in a chair that was near the exit. He fumed over the time he’d have to waste at a trial while missing out on his exciting regular life as a golf course attendant.
“You stuck here too?” another potential juror asked Ned.
“Yeah,” Ned answered truculently. “I’ve got stuff to do! Why do I got to be here for?”
“So you have an excuse ready?”
“What do you mean?”
“A reason to get one of the attorneys to dismiss you. I’m going to say to that I think everyone is guilty, and that I believe even parking tickets should be punished by public flogging in the town square.”
“Hey, that’s good,” Ned approved.
“It’s a good start,” another potential juror said, “but I’m going to go further and say that I think jaywalkers should be thrown into a raging river whether they can swim or not.”
“Neat!” a third potential juror said. “I’m going to claim that all courtrooms are hoaxes then list every conspiracy I can come up with.”
“Make sure you blame everything on George Soros,” the second potential juror recommended. “That’ll get you excused quick.”
“And escorted out by the bailiff,” the first potential juror added.
As Ned was thinking up of some crackpot things he could say a clerk came into the jury assembly room. “Ladies and gentleman,” she began, “the defendant has waived his right to a trial, so you’re all dismissed. Thank you for coming in to do your civic duty.”
“Damn!” another potential juror exclaimed. “I had my aluminum foil hat all ready!”
©2022 Robert Kirkendall