August 9: Flash Fiction Challenge
SAD CAT DIARY: WILDLIFE EDITION
The mountain lion came up to the forest’s edge drawn by the scent of food. She peered from the woods at a flock of livestock in a nearby pasture.
One of those sheep could feed me and my little ones for a week, the mountain lion thought as she longed for the forbidden sustenance, but if I take one, the humans will come after me and kill me! I only want one, the lion moped, and they have so many, it isn’t fair.
The dejected feline slouched in defeat. Why must the humans be so cruel? she wondered piteously.
July 5: Flash Fiction Challenge
BIG AND SHINY
“Now listen here, swine!” Claude bellowed with inflated self importance. “Now that I’ve put in charge of this department things are going to be different! There will be order!”
The employees looked at him blankly.
“First rule, my cubicle is off limits! Nobody enters my territory! Nobody messes with my stuff! You will respect my authority!”
The employees rushed Claude, tackled him, knocked down all his cubicle walls, overturned his desk, scattered his paperwork, and threw his laptop out the window.
“If you don’t anyone to push your buttons,” an employee reminded, “don’t make them so big and shiny.”
June 21: Flash Fiction Challenge
YOU CAN’T GET THERE FROM HERE
A city person pulled into a rural service station. “Excuse me, sir, do you know the way to Davenport?”
“Davenport?” the rustic attendant answered. “Don’t reckon I do.”
“How about Greenfield?”
The attendant pondered. “Nope, don’t know the way there either.”
“Well can you tell me the way to the nearest Interstate?”
“I suppose if you keep driving down this highway you’ll run into one, but I don’t rightly know exactly where.”
The driver became frustrated. “I must say, you don’t seem to know your way around here.”
The attendant chuckled. “Yeah, but I’m not the one who’s lost.”
May 17: Flash Fiction Challenge
“And if you look here,” the real estate agent said, “you’ll see that the fire damage didn’t destroy the entire kitchen.”
“Well that’s good,” said the husband.
“A fixer upper!” his wife added optimistically.
“Can we see the master bedroom?” the husband asked.
“Sorry, can’t do that,” the agent replied. “The ceiling caved in.”
“What’s that stench?” the wife asked as she averted her nose.
“Oh, that’s a pile of burning outhouses in the backyard.
“So how much?” the husband asked.
“1.2 million dollars.”
“Wow!” the husband responded.
I’ll say!” the wife agreed excitedly. “A real bargain for Silicon Valley!”
April 26: Flash Fiction Challenge
“So I caught a fish this big,” said a fisherman, his hands slightly apart.
“Oh yeah? Well I caught one this big,” bragged another fisherman, his arms stretched out farther.
“That’s nothing,” another fisherman chimed in. “I caught one this big!” He strained his arms apart as far as they could stretch.
“Hey, guys!” announced Spiderman foe and public nuisance Dr. Octopus as he approached. “Wanna hear how big of a fish I caught?” he boasted, a proud smile underneath his coke bottle thick eyeglasses. He eagerly prepared to extend his four extra metallic arms to maximum length.
April 5: Flash Fiction
Horace ran around the town square under the midday sun laughing and whooping while doing flips and cartwheels.
“Horace is acting rather strange,” a townsperson observed.
“He sure is,” another concurred.
“Must be because it’s spring,” a third interjected. “He does act strange when the seasons change.”
“But this is out of control,” the first said. “And look at that suggestive move he’s doing to one of the pillars in front of the courthouse!”
“Perhaps it’s time to kick Horace out of our respectable community,” the second townsperson suggested.
“Agreed,” the third agreed. “He’s too weird for Santa Cruz.”
March 8: Flash Fiction Challenge
Timmy brought the balloon animal to his family. “Look at what I got.”
“Why look at that balloon dog!” his mother said. “How cute!”
“No,” father disagreed, “it’s a horse.”
“You’re both wrong,” grandma interrupted. “It’s obviously a rhinoceros.”
“Let me look at that,” Uncle Wally requested as he took the balloon animal and inspected it. “Just as I thought, a pelican.”
Aunt Sue grabbed the balloon animal and looked it over. “No, it’s a lobster.”
“You’re all wrong,” Timmy said as he took it back. “It’s just a bunch of balloons randomly tied together. You people are weird.”
February 1: Flash Fiction Challenge
“Trust me, son, you’ll like this film,” father said as he inserted the DVD. “It’s a classic!”
“Oh no, not another black and white movie.”
“Still a quality film.”
“But old movies are so dated,” the son insisted. “And they talk so fast you can’t understand them.”
“That’s because they were all high on Benzedrine, but you’ll like this one,” father assured. “A timeless story.” He pressed play on the remote, the movie started, and they watched the opening scene.
“So if this is a black and white movie,” the son wondered, “how come it only has white actors?”
January 25: Flash Fiction Challenge
Terry looked over the screenplay he was cowriting and hoped that the alteration he made would be acceptable. He went to the director.
“There’s something about the script I think should change,” Terry said.
“The title? What’s wrong with Edge of Doom?”
“Well, it’s a bit clichéd.”
“But it matches the theme perfectly!” the director asserted.
“True, but I was thinking of something a little more imaginative.” Terry handed over the rewritten script.
The director looked at the title page. “Seriously?” he laughed. “Who’s going to want to watch a movie called Dr. Strangelove“?
January 18: Flash Fiction Challenge
Cpl. Wildey led his squad through a clearing and into a wooded thicket toward enemy lines on a reconnaissance mission to ascertain troop locations. The trail they were on approached an enemy headquarters in the distance. Cpl. Wildey thought he saw movement ahead, so he ordered his troops to sneak up by crawling through a high grass area. He carefully maneuvered them without notice when he suddenly came face to face with a pair of the enemy’s boots standing squarely and menacingly. Fear shot through him, until he looked up and saw that no one was wearing the boots.